The other day my boyfriend’s daughter informed me she was asked by her aunt if her father and I were talking about getting married yet. This is not the first time this question has been asked. Others have inquired over the past few months. Usually we laugh it off or make some joke about it because we don’t have an answer on when we will tie the knot. However, it’s not a matter of if we actually will. It’s a matter of when. And when is not right now.
The conversation with my boyfriend’s daughter reminded me of a conversation I had with my boyfriend several weeks back that left me laughing and loving him even more. We were sitting at his work, eating lunch at his desk, when we got to talking about the big “I Do’s”. The conversation went something like this.
The Boyfriend: “We are basically engaged already. I just haven’t asked you to marry me yet.”
Me: *busts out laughing* “Oh, I can see me using that answer when someone asks me, ‘Are you guys engaged yet?’ ‘Yeah, basically. He just hasn’t asked me yet.’ I’m going to look like one of “those women”.'”
The Boyfriend: *smiles and laughs*
I found it absolutely hilarious that my boyfriend said we basically are engaged since it’s usually the female who says something along those lines. But I do know what he’s referring to, and if you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know, too. But in case not, I’m going to explain again.
Even though we’re not man and wife, we live our life as though we are. We consider each other stepparents to each of our children, and our kids are step-siblings. And though others don’t agree with our choice to look at our relationship like that, we could care less what they think. Our relationship is just that…OUR RELATIONSHIP! And we’ve being raising the kids with the knowledge that a piece of paper means nothing; it’s how you live your life together, and the commitment you make to another person that truly matters. A marriage license is just a piece of paper if you don’t take other steps to show you are married. Marriage is so much more than just saying “I do” for the rest of your life.
And since The Boyfriend and I do talk about our future together every once in awhile, including how he may propose to me, it is kind of like we’re already engaged. I do agree with how he views us. To be honest, I see us the same way.
Even so, I don’t think I’m going to walk around telling people we basically are because I don’t want people looking at me like I’m some crazy fiance or bride-to-be. I’m no Bridezilla. Far from it.
Now don’t get me wrong. I want to marry my boyfriend. But I also love the life we have, and know that when the time is right for us and our family, we will take that step forward. Not a moment sooner. For now, though, we’re working on adjusting to being one big family instead of two. That takes time, love and a lot of patience.
My boyfriend and I are also trying to learn the best way to handle outside causes of stress. That’s easier said than done, especially for me since I take a lot of things personally. I am very sensitive and emotional and let things get to me far too easily. That is something I need to stop doing. I need to realize that I’m a good person and the only opinions that matter are those of my boyfriend, his children and mine, and those of our immediate family.
Until we know in our hearts we’ve completely adjusted in all areas needed, we don’t feel it’s right to make that step. When the time comes, though, our decision will not be based on other’s opinions on our relationship. I don’t believe in a set time people should be together before they marry. My parents were only together a handful of months before they tied the knot. And guess what? They’re celebrating their 32nd anniversary this year. Now that is a relationship I look up to. They have one of the strongest relationships I’ve ever seen, and that is what I’ve always wanted. And I believe I now have.
So yes, we will say I do…eventually. We just don’t know when. It could be next month. It could be next summer. It could be next year. Time will tell.
*Photo 1 courtesy of theswedish
*Photo 2 courtesy of dubyadesig
*Photo 3 courtesy of meisax
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