Another season of youth baseball has come and gone, and my 10-year-old is lost without it. For whatever reason something clicked within him this year, and his like and interest in baseball over the past two years developed into a deep love of the sport. I never had to fight with him to go to practice or a game this season. He looked forward to each, and on the nights when he had no games or practices, he was bored, wishing he was at the field with his teammates.
I saw a spark in his big, brown eyes that filled my heart with joy. My son had found something that he genuinely loved to do. He even put in extra practice time at home in hopes he would be able to catch this year. One night he practiced in the rain because it meant that much to him.
As the final days of the baseball season drew to a close this year, Little Man began feeling down and out. He didn’t want it to end. He would have continued playing had he been given the chance. We even had him try out for the Allstars team in hopes we could continue the season, but unfortunately he was one of few kids cut. To see the look of disappointment and utter defeat on his face when he found out he didn’t make it when all the others on his team who tried out did was heartbreaking. He felt like the odd man out and seeing others talk about the Allstars team in front of him made him feel horrible, especially when he heard from a classmate that he had made the team and my son had heard nothing. There wasn’t anything I could say or do to make him feel better.
No parent wants to see their child disappointed and hurt. No parent wants to see their child beat himself up mentally because he feels like he’s not good enough. And that’s how my son felt. He felt like he was inferior to others, especially to kids two years younger than him who made it. I saw his confidence slip away with each game. I saw him take it personal when his team would lose a game, feeling it was all his fault when they fell short.
I know that children have to learn about disappointment at an early age because in life we don’t always get what we want, but that little guy has been through so damn much the past year and a half. I didn’t want him to deal with even more. He has faced multiple EEGs, a blood draw, evaluations, bullying, etc., and walked away with a multitude of discoveries we never anticipated. He hasn’t let any of it hold him back, though. If anything, all of the discoveries have helped him understand himself more. It has also helped us understand him better too.
As for what comes next, we don’t know.
We don’t know if he will want to play baseball next year.
We don’t know if he will be playing for the league he played for this year or if he will play for Little League. He really wants a chance to catch as he did it a lot his first year and some this season, and he knows he really doesn’t stand a chance where he plays now. He doesn’t want to always be stuck in the outfield, so we have to think about where he will get more opportunities, as does he. He absolutely loves his coaches and teammates. He has played beside some of those kids for three years. When he’s on that field, they are his brothers and sisters. But the flip side to all of that is that he wants to achieve more. He wants to continue to improve. He wants a chance to play the position he absolutely loves (catcher).
At the end of the day, we are letting him have a say about where he wants to go from here. We aren’t going to make that decision without letting him give his input. I want him to feel like he has a say about what happens. I want him to advocate for himself. I want him to stand up for himself and the things he wants. I don’t want anyone to take his power away from him like I allowed others to do to me for so many years.
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And Little Man, a day will come when you read this, and I want you to know how proud I am of you. You are such a tough little cookie. You have made so many gains this year, and I know it’s hard for you to see it sometimes. But I want you to know I see it. You haven’t let anything hold you back. You don’t let what others see as limitations stop you from reaching for your dreams. Don’t ever let anyone take that spark from you, bud. I love you!