I haven’t written a gripe post in awhile, but today I feel the need to because of posts and complaints I’ve been seeing on Facebook and via parenting groups that I’m a part of. I feel the need to stick up for parents that can’t be at every school function or sporting event because of work.
For most of my life my parents worked two separate shifts.
They did that because they couldn’t afford daycare for my brother and I, just like many parents can’t today. Parents working separate shifts is NOT a new problem. It’s been around for years. And I’m here to say that my parents were not bad parents when they couldn’t attend certain things together.
Sometimes my dad took my brother and I to parent-teacher conferences because my mom had to work. And sometimes it was my mom who took us.
I remember my mom was the only one who could go to my sixth grade graduation because my dad had a bad migraine, and I knew how they affected him, so while I was disappointed, I also understood.
Just because my parents weren’t physically together at every function at the school did not mean they weren’t there in spirit. I knew my mom and dad were. And I knew when they couldn’t be there, they felt bad about it.
And I completely understood that they had to make sacrifices in order to take care of my brother and I. Sometimes as parents we are forced to make them, especially if we work separate shifts or work retail, like my mom did or my boyfriend does now.
Simply put…RETAIL HOURS SUCK!
There’s no denying it. You generally don’t make your own hours. Store owners don’t usually care if you have children.
You are there to work and it doesn’t matter if your kids have a conference or concert that you want to attend.
If you want a job so you can support your kids, you have to work the hours they want. That means you miss out on sporting events and school functions and not because you want to. You do it because you have a responsibility to your children…and you’re an adult. It sucks, but it’s life. Suck it up and deal with it.
And while I wish my boyfriend could be home more, I also fully understand why he can’t. I knew his hours when we started dating, and I’m not going to pitch a fit now if he can’t rearrange his schedule to be there for us. I fully anticipate going to many activities by myself because of his schedule. And when he can’t be there, you can bet I will give him a running account of what is going on via text, just like he does for me. It’s our way of showing support when we can’t be present.
I also want to put out there that I’m not worse off because my parents couldn’t always be at every school function. I’m not a bad person because of it. I grew up to be a damn good person…a damn good mom.
And you know what? Your kid is going to be just fine, too, if one of the parents can’t be at every event. My parents made sure to make it clear to me and my brother that they had responsibilities, and we understood it. If we teach our children the same things…if we are honest with them…they will understand as well.
And please, don’t freakin’ tell your kid their other parent must not care or doesn’t love them because he or she isn’t there. THAT’S WRONG!
I’m so tired of seeing moms bitch about fathers that work long hours and can’t be at everything. They automatically use that as proof he’s a bad parent and doesn’t love his children…that he’s a deadbeat. THAT’S BS! He’s working to support your families, to put food on the table, clothes on your backs, etc. That does not make him a deadbeat.
That didn’t make my parents deadbeats either.
My kids are lucky because I work from home, so I have a bit more flexibility with my work. I made the decision years ago to not put my children into daycare and to find a way to support them from home. And while I have this amazing opportunity right now to be present when needed, there may come a time when I won’t be able to, and I will make sure my kids understand that just like I did.
Okay…rant over.