Family time is extremely important to my boyfriend and me. We always put our children first and make sure all of their needs are met, no matter what, even if that means losing sleep at night to cuddle one back to sleep because he or she doesn’t feel well, had a nightmare or was scared by a thunderstorm. We eagerly step up to the plate to take care of each other’s children no questions asked.
We will even lose sleep to take care of each other when we’re sick. There have been many nights he has lost sleep because I’ve been sick and he’s felt the need to watch over me. And I do the same for him. That’s what families do. They take care of each other. And I’m extremely grateful and appreciative for all that he does.
Finding the time to spend together as a family can be challenging, though, when one parent works in retail. As many of you can attest to, those who work in retail do not work a normal 9 t0 5 shift. You go into work later than some and end up working later into the evening, and you usually end up working one or two days each weekend. I watched my mom do it for years. She hated it, but when you have a family to support, it’s something you have to do, no matter how much it sucks, so BOTH parties in the relationship have to be understanding of the hours and be committed to finding ways to making family time important even with reduced time together.
Growing up, my parents worked separate shifts most of the time, and it made it hard for us to have a lot of family time, but they made sure to make the most of the time we did have. We built snowforts and snowmen together. We went to fairs, mini golfing and the beach. We went for walks and went hiking. Those are memories I will cherish forever, and I know the moments we share with our children now will be memories they remember when they’re grown.
As for my boyfriend, he gets Mondays and Fridays off but has to work both days on the weekend. On Saturdays, he’s home by 6:00 p.m., and on Sundays, by 4:30 p.m. I know when there’s a sale going on at his place of employment that those hours may vary, and I’m okay with that. I won’t say it’s easy having him work late. I miss him like crazy and wait anxiously for him to get home. But I knew going into our relationship that his work schedule is wonky, and I wasn’t about to pitch a fit once we moved in together to try and make him change it.
Luckily for me, though, his schedule didn’t require huge amounts of adjusting on my part because my ex-husband used to work long hours and on weekends too. I’m used to being the one who cooks, cleans, runs errands, etc, all while working and writing. It doesn’t bother me to have all that responsibility. In fact, I enjoy it.
Plus, I feel bad when my boyfriend feels like he should come home after a long day of working and immediately start cleaning.
Do I appreciate it when he does? Absolutely!!
But I don’t want him to come home and feel like he has to bust his ass from the time he gets home, cleaning and doing whatever else, until he goes to bed. It’s more important for all of us to have time to spend together, even if it’s just cuddling on the couch and watching a movie, so if that means I work harder all day long so we all can have that, so be it.
So how do we do it? How do we make the most of the limited time we have?’
Here’s how:
1- Cook dinner together. Just because you have small children does not mean they are incapable of helping you cook. Give them small tasks to attend to.
For example, the other night I made a shrimp and chicken scampi. I cut up some peppers, scallions, etc. and they had to be sauteed. I allowed my five-year-old to dump them in the pan for me. This may seem like a small detail to us as adults, but children love it. All four kids, my two and his two, have helped out in some way with cooking.
Heck, even when the kids aren’t here, and it’s just my boyfriend and I, we cook together. It’s one of our favorite things to do. It’s a great way to spend quality time together.
2- Eat dinner together as a family. When dinner is done, we all sit at the dining room table together. We do not have the TV on. We sit there and enjoy each other’s company. We talk about our days, what we’re excited about, things we want to do as a family, etc. It’s also a time when we have family discussions about important topics, like chores and homework.
3- Clean up after dinner as a family. Each child is responsible for picking up after themselves once dinner is finished, even the five-year-old. We clean up the table and kitchen together. We talk, laugh and joke around. Again, this is not a big thing, but it’s a few minutes of time we all have together. And it adds up in the end. They will remember it when they get older.
4- Spend time together in the living room. We love to put on a movie or one of our favorite TV shows, like Duck Dynasty, and watch it together. The six of us have similar personalities, so it’s easy to find something we all can watch. DD is definitely a go to for us. We all sit there and laugh and make jokes.
5- Attend each other’s activities. While my kids are not blood-related to my boyfriend’s children, and vice versa, we feel it’s important that we all attend games, recitals, testings, when possible, even if the other children aren’t involved. We feel it’s important for all of us to be there supporting each child in whatever they do. No one child receives preferential treatment over the other.
However, we can’t be at every activity for several reasons. For one thing, my boyfriend cannot take time off for every single thing the children have. It’s a great thought, but he has child support to pay, activities like dance and TKD to pay for, and other misc. bills and expenses. Since money doesn’t grow on trees as kids often think, he has no choice but to work. I DO NOT hold that against him. I know it’s hard for him to not be there for everything, and I understand the position he is in. I also know he does try to be there whenever possible.
When he can attend activities, I try to be there, as well. Again, there are times I can’t because I have to work or I have to drive my kids to meet their father or grandparents. My boyfriend understands that and accepts it too.
Also, one thing that I do is help out with transporting my boyfriend’s daughter to various activities/obligations. I know he can’t be everywhere at once, so I help out when I can. He does respect and understand, though, that just because I work from home, it DOES NOT mean I can skip work every single time something comes up. Working from home is still a job. I am my own boss. I am responsible for setting goals that need to be met so I bring home a certain amount of pay each month.
Unfortunately, people like me who do work from home usually face the false assumption that WAH jobs are not legitimate jobs, that we don’t get paid, and we’re just “screwing” around and therefore can drop whatever we’re doing at the drop of a dime. That is not the case at all. I bust my ass for work, and I know the type of commitment it needs. My boyfriend understood that from the get go and works with me to make sure I get in the hours I need to. (I also work my schedule around his and work on the weekends. It allows me to spend time with him on his days off and distract me from feeling lonely because he and all the kids are gone.)
6- Make the most of the days you do have off. Since my boyfriend gets Mondays and Fridays off, it means he gets more time with his kids at night. On the weeks where he has his kids on both of those days, he gets double alone time with his son when he takes him to TKD and his daughter when he takes her to dance. This gives him one-on-one time with both of his children. (And I have time with mine every day.)
Once all of us are home, we have dinner together. I always hold off dinner until we’re all here.
On the rare days when we’re all home because of a holiday or school vacation, we find fun things to do together, like go to the park and play ball, play soccer outside, go to a museum or science center, go for walks, etc.
7- Do homework together. When the children have homework, whether it’s my two or his two, we help them. Granted, they don’t have as much homework as I feel they should, but when they do have some, we make every effort to help.
Another thing we are going to be starting soon is family reading time. I love to read, and I feel every person should. Because I’m such a bookworm, it’s rubbed off on my boyfriend and he’s been reading more since we got together, which I love. So now we want to implement family reading time where we all gather in the living room and read for 30 minutes per night, whether it’s during the school year or not.
Also, I would like to point out another time that is extremely important to any healthy relationship.
Adult time.
A good friend of mine told me several years ago that she and her husband have date nights on Friday nights once the children are in bed. I think that is a fantastic idea. Date night doesn’t need to be anything extravagant or expensive. It can be as simple as playing a board game together or cuddling in bed, watching a romantic movie.
When you’re a parent it’s very easy to forget about your relationship and the emotional and physical needs of your spouse/significant other. Many relationships fail because the parents forget about each other.
We know our emotional needs as a couple are just as vital as family time to our family’s success and harmony. We know what type of attention we need in order to feel loved and appreciated…what type of Love Language we both have, and we make every effort to show each other how important we are.
We also know that we need time away from the children to talk about adult things. Communication is extremely important to any relationship. If you can’t talk to your spouse, it’s going to cause major problems within your relationship.
So now that you know what we do to get family time in, as well as adult time, I’d love to hear from you about what YOUR family does. Please leave a comment below.
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Photo courtesy of jayofboy.